Meanderings of a Feral Minky

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Mar 6

A Chosen People Become A Chosen Scapegoat

I know you can’t please everybody all the time. I know that no matter what you actually do in your life, there’s going to be someone out there who would rather assume the worst about you- who will go out of their way to judge, misinterpret, and misinform regarding every single gesture, every word, every thought, just because they feel they can and, sometimes, because they feel they should. I couldn’t count on all the fingers in the history of fingers throughout every corner of the earth the amount of times people have made assumptions about me, simply because it seemed easier at the time than actually having a real conversation. There’s probably even someone reading this right now who unconsciously anticipates some display of error in logic or grammar because these thoughts are being formed by yours truly. Sure, that’s frustrating- but I’ve come to expect it and even accept it, because rarely can anyone change their mind if they aren’t willing.

It would be great to have the opportunity to actually be on the level with those who propagate drama and misinformation, to actually be able to be like “hey there, maybe you don’t realize this, but you actually do more damage in the world by trying to portray me and other people in this light which you have dreamed up for your own gratification. There’s no sense of love, no sense of truth, or community in what you’re doing. So why can’t you let go and simply live your own life?” This would require that person to actually look at themselves instead of other people and that’s not always a comfortable undertaking. And as much as I would love to be able to communicate this to that hypothetical person somewhere out there in the ether, I’m often too busy doing this to myself- being the most qualified for the job and all, you know, being the only one capable of perceiving everything happening in my own head. Trust me on this one- I was trying to incessantly set myself straight before you even knew I existed.

But way way waaaaaaaaay beyond that point is a shocker of a reality cue- while some random person who has never tried to even have a meaningful conversation with me is judging me for a million things I can probably guarantee aren’t even based in any facts, there’s a whole group of people organizing a dogma based on ignorance and hatred for a race of people, a people who are also probably innocent of the majority of, if not all, accusations. Knowing this, how could I stand around giving two shits what anyone thinks about me? Meanwhile, the next reich is being rallied like it’s an upcoming bake sale and a huge mass of people are okay with this. Granted, as I said earlier, you can’t change anybody’s mind who isn’t willing to change so, certainly, this is no easy task. And yes, the task is to try and educate people on the fallacy and the danger of bigotry and fascism. I’m not talking about silencing these voices- I’m talking about listening to them like they have something important to say and considering every single point without preconception. No disease can be treated if the disease is not studied and the only way to do that is methodically and objectively, with as little insertion of bias as possible. Because only then can the holes in an argument be detected and counteracted with Reason.

That being said, I recently became aware of a site on the interwebs that embodies this kind of ignorance and hatred.

http://www.totalfascism.com/

Partly, I feel I have done a disservice by spreading this site and its message further along. However, reading the beliefs these people share and how they refer to Jewish people, I could not just sit back without attempting to communicate with the author of this site. It seems that, based on the pre-existing comments, most visitors are like-minded and only those who agree with the author leave comments- so I left a comment that is supposedly waiting to be reviewed by the moderator. If the comment makes it onto the site, then perhaps at least the author might be open to allowing other opinions to be expressed. Otherwise, it’s a scary situation here. If they refuse to at least remotely consider other sides, then it truly is dogmatic, group-think, and potentially dangerous.

So anyways, I tried to stay objective, here’s what I threw out at them-

The following is an attempt at objectivity without the precept that all Jewish people want to enslave the world and commit mass genocide. It would be rash on my part to assume that your entire premise is wrong before doing extensive research and forming logical antecedents that would potentially call into question your essential premise.

However, from what I have already read on here, there is one red flag already flapping to and fro. Perhaps the color red is coincidental (that’s how objective I’m attempting to be here, while acknowledging my own underlying disagreement), but it’s boldly apparent- the claim, which I’m hardly paraphrasing, is that Jewish people run everything and that you are justified in hating them for that very reason. Okay, fair enough- but how many Jewish people have you really taken the time to talk with about this subject, in a manner that has allowed calm and cool rationality to dictate? Maybe a handful? The fact that you don’t even want them in “your” nation seems to suggest that this would be a difficult task on both ends, that is, refraining from allowing an excess of emotions to infiltrate the discussion.

So how do you really KNOW that your beliefs regarding Jewish people are, in fact, based in any truth that can be allocated to the entire race of people? So some old men with lots of money happen to be Jewish? Sure, that’s a little suspect, maybe. But what about all the non-Jewish white people with lots of money that control things? Is that just an anomaly? Are they just not wealthy or powerful enough to be taken as seriously as the Jewish people who have money? Right, well what about all the poor Jewish families throughout the world? In New York alone, 1 in every 4 Jewish people are considered in poverty by national standards of poverty and, statistically, these are Hasidic Jews and not the more modern- meaning that the more old world the Jewish person, the poorer they tend to be. Try walking up to any of these people and convince them they are controlling your nation. How can you form an ideology of fascism around what seems like a pretty obvious logical fallacy? That simply because you have to follow rules in a society where wealthy people own businesses and, naturally, have some financial investment in the media that, therefore, all Jewish people are the enemy against your culture? How can you back that up with any consistent logic?

And what’s even more looming in this comedy of errors, as I see it at least, is your apparent entitlement to have your own nation of white people that is to be established on land you took from another race! If you want to hold to your roots (which are probably different roots for every single different person who could possibly read these very words) than you would likely have to own up to the fact that your ancestors did exactly what you’re blaming Jewish people for doing and yet you don’t even consider the potential hypocrisy in that, or do you? Your ability to express yourself with grammatically and syntactically appropriate thought structures doesn’t mean anything you’re expressing is logically justified. So consider the possibility, just for a moment really and truly consider this, that there is absolutely no logical justification for your hatred against another race and that it’s not only possible but highly probable that this hatred has another more internal source and that the Jewish race is actually a scapegoat for a more personal pain and dissatisfaction that has literally nothing to do with Jewish people at all. Not trying to totally steal your thunder, just throwing that out there in case that’s an option that hasn’t been eagerly examined for various reasons (like the whole opening ‘old wounds’ situation we all face from time to time). Honestly though, I’m really interested in getting some thoughtful responses that don’t simply rely on this ‘us vs. them’ shtick (yikes, I just dropped some Yiddish, I hope that doesn’t nullify my argument here).

As a final thought, you might assume that Israel has brainwashed me or that I’m “one of them”- while it is true that I have been raised with a considerable amount of Jewish people and Jewish culture (for instance, I went to a private Jewish school in elementary), I do not identify myself as Jewish and neither does anybody in my family. I am, for all intents and purposes, a white American male of partly European descent and I have no problems with Jewish people, even the ones with a lot of money. I still get riled up over oppression, injustice, ignorance, and the general sufferings of being human all across the board- for some reason my own capacity to infer from information presented to me determines, for myself, that the energy invested into hating and fearing Jewish people, because some old guy who’s name might end in ‘stein owns a couple of news channels and newspapers, could be better invested in a million other things- like learning a musical instrument, or reading a book, or learning how to cook a new dish, or spending time with your kids instead of spreading hatred over the Internet because it feels empowering. Again, I’m not trying to say you guys are turned around and looking in the wrong direction in regards to why you’re so angry, but the signs seem to be suggesting this is a misdirected effort on your part and, at the risk of sounding condescending but genuinely not attempting to do so, your limited time on the planet has not been fully taken into consideration and, so, the gaps of information have been filled in with speculation riddled with ignorance, paranoia, and hatred that is something individual-based, something personal and still unresolved. I assume my own ignorance on some level, but my distaste for injustice has compelled me to write this to absolve innocent people from being held as scapegoats for other people who have not found more constructive ways to influence their world. And that is all.

This past Sunday, my boss at the place I film weddings gave me a male betta fish from the last reception. She gave me a large glass container filled with pebbles and a silk synthetic flower and some betta fish food. I have been very excited to own a fish and test out my ability to care for a little pet. I named him Alphy the betta fish.

I woke up this morning and Alphy was dead, floating upside down in the water. Needless to say, I am really really disappointed. I only had the little guy for a few days and I feel as if I’m mourning him like he was an old friend. I seem to have unconsciously associated Alphy with the value of Life in all aspects of my experience, thereby pulling up repressed grief from prior losses and the dread of future losses to come. I had just gotten some water conditioner and had been researching everything, trying to ensure everything was perfect. I was really hoping he would live a full and healthy life. I’ve experienced enough death, it’s just overwhelming at times.

It makes me weary to get another pet- the only “pet” I have is my cat Peeky and he lives with my parents. It just really makes me question my efficacy, that is, what I really have under control, what I can actually do to enhance the experience of living for myself and others. I’m now going to go bury Alphy in my backyard. I wish I could have done something to keep him alive, but maybe there was nothing I could have done and his time was up (and the rationalizations set in). Maybe I need to consider a pet that requires less upkeep. It may be hard to focus on very much work today.

This past Sunday, my boss at the place I film weddings gave me a male betta fish from the last reception. She gave me a large glass container filled with pebbles and a silk synthetic flower and some betta fish food. I have been very excited to own a fish and test out my ability to care for a little pet. I named him Alphy the betta fish.

I woke up this morning and Alphy was dead, floating upside down in the water. Needless to say, I am really really disappointed. I only had the little guy for a few days and I feel as if I’m mourning him like he was an old friend. I seem to have unconsciously associated Alphy with the value of Life in all aspects of my experience, thereby pulling up repressed grief from prior losses and the dread of future losses to come. I had just gotten some water conditioner and had been researching everything, trying to ensure everything was perfect. I was really hoping he would live a full and healthy life. I’ve experienced enough death, it’s just overwhelming at times.

It makes me weary to get another pet- the only “pet” I have is my cat Peeky and he lives with my parents. It just really makes me question my efficacy, that is, what I really have under control, what I can actually do to enhance the experience of living for myself and others. I’m now going to go bury Alphy in my backyard. I wish I could have done something to keep him alive, but maybe there was nothing I could have done and his time was up (and the rationalizations set in). Maybe I need to consider a pet that requires less upkeep. It may be hard to focus on very much work today.

A Daily Refinement

I’ve been trying to establish some kind of routine for my days. What little I have accomplished in this life suggests the potential for great things, if only I can will myself to manifest these various intentions and follow through. In the past, my days have been overwrought with chaos and confusion- way too many variables- of the mind-oriented variety, of the pleasure variety, of the romantic variety. So I have shut myself off from social engagements to some extent.

As part of this effort, I have attempted to divide my day into, approximately, three eight hour stages, inspired by the daily routine of Benjamin Franklin.

Work- 7AM-3PM
Play- 3PM-11PM
Sleep- 11PM- 7AM

I am, however, not applying this schedule to Fridays and Saturdays- only the intent to wake up at 9 and be in bed by 1PM.

So far I’ve been using this routine and it actually seems to allow me to accomplish more on those particular days. Basically, since I’ve been relying on filming and editing weddings for extra income, my work schedule is so sparse and flexible that my work is often play and my playtime is still time to work. So if I wind up getting distracted for an hour or so, I can make up for it after 3.

I’m still trying to feel it out and determine when my energy and creativity peaks throughout the day. I get random manic spurts of energy and I want to be able to better channel that. I’m still not the best morning person, so it’s tricky.

To further solidify what is meant by work, I’ve divided the first 8 hours into 2 hour stages. I’m thinking something along these lines-

7-9= yoga, run, shower, read, breakfast
9-11= Writing (anything), filming, absorb
11-1= Lunch, Social Media, news
1-3= Writing (anything), filming, absorb

The schedule of 3-11 will be dictated more by planned engagements, random rendezvous, or whatever really tickles my fancy.

I’ve lived a disheveled life long enough. In addition to this schedule, I’ve been trying to cut out toxic substances- everything from food to people to ideas. I’ve reached the point where I don’t necessarily want to consume something just because it tastes good or looks good. And yet, still, I’m finding there are things in this world that taste good and look good and they actually are good. The latter is what I intend to keep near, but I must remind myself that beautiful things sometimes come in ugly packages, as the opposite is often true, perhaps even more so- there are very pretty people with ugly hearts.

I’d rather draw within myself to find the varying shades of humanness. As much as I am fascinated by all varieties of people- because I’m certain simplicity and complexity are equal rivals in us all- I cannot consume myself with the constant rally to discern the heart of others. It’s probably not any of my business anyway, whatever it is or whomever it may concern. I might as well shift my focus and, instead, expend that energy healing myself and encouraging some kind of personal growth- an ascension into greater character and integrity.

All I want in this life is to make amends with the past, live in the present, and continue to be inspired and maybe inspire someone else along the way. I won’t grow up until I let go of every mental and emotional block that I have allowed to hold me down and keep me from rising to the occasion. The time is nigh. There can be no excuses, no trepidation-this is happening.


It’s been a long strange trip and it’s only going to get stranger from here.

Upcoming TV Series ‘The Nuggets’ by award-winning filmmaker Carrie Schrader looking for PRODUCERS/INVESTORS!
http://kck.st/ZFKMyY
‘The Nuggets’ is the latest project by award-winning filmmaker Carrie Schrader- she has produced several films and shorts, including the short ‘Don’t Mess With Texas’, co- produced/co-written with Ethan Coen (Fargo, The Big Lebowski, O Brother, Where Art Thou?) The project’s kickstarter is half-way funded and has one week left on the clock!

Support of $500 will land producer credit,  $750 for writing credit, and $1000 or more gives you EXECUTIVE PRODUCER credit for the entire series! If I had a clean grand to throw at this project, I personally wouldn’t hesitate. You can’t afford to be a high-roller? No problem! Any amount helps reach the goal! This is one of the greatest projects to be a part of, hands down, and the pilot episode is only a rough blueprint of what’s to come! “Have yourself a big ol’ nugget of a good time” and join the team!
http://kck.st/ZFKMyY

Upcoming TV Series ‘The Nuggets’ by award-winning filmmaker Carrie Schrader looking for PRODUCERS/INVESTORS!

http://kck.st/ZFKMyY

‘The Nuggets’ is the latest project by award-winning filmmaker Carrie Schrader- she has produced several films and shorts, including the short ‘Don’t Mess With Texas’, co- produced/co-written with Ethan Coen (Fargo, The Big Lebowski, O Brother, Where Art Thou?) The project’s kickstarter is half-way funded and has one week left on the clock!

Support of $500 will land producer credit,  $750 for writing credit, and $1000 or more gives you EXECUTIVE PRODUCER credit for the entire series! If I had a clean grand to throw at this project, I personally wouldn’t hesitate. You can’t afford to be a high-roller? No problem! Any amount helps reach the goal! This is one of the greatest projects to be a part of, hands down, and the pilot episode is only a rough blueprint of what’s to come! “Have yourself a big ol’ nugget of a good time” and join the team!

http://kck.st/ZFKMyY

Old Greenhouse

Old Greenhouse


via dolliecrave

via dolliecrave

A thousand words

The whole world is recycling someone else’s photos and here I am trying to make sense of the world with words. I just don’t know where else to turn to- I moved to the Appalachian mountains to seek refuge, but I only found that it’s been me that I’ve been running from. And so it is, that I have come to this state of entropy- uncertain as to what is required of me to gain momentum and to sever the constraints that oppress me at this time.

It’s certainly apparent that my first obstacle must be Fear- it’s primitive and it’s suitable to early experiences of suffering coupled with the realization that all things in this world must die. That’s enough reason for a little boy to be afraid. And I am only a little boy at the heart of it all- I want so badly to become a man, simply to protect the boy I have been from the destructive forces of the universe.

Secondly, there has been a predominant preoccupation with Judgment- in that human beings engage in this activity excessively and without much warrant. Why is it that those who often judge are the last to try and help those in which they judge? To determine that someone is in error while, nonetheless, choosing to keep those in error oblivious; that, to me, stands to bear as much wrong as any error on the part of those first judged. So why do people judge unfairly? And why do I pass on final judgment with simple grace, knowing that I am probably no better than anyone else alive- deep down in my heart of hearts, I have committed tragic mistakes and yet I seek atonement and hope some kind of grace, some kind of forgiveness to be bestowed upon everyone.

All I’ve wanted my whole life is to make things- to make art and share it with the others. I don’t care about personal wealth, fame, power, or even romance- I just want to create. I was so close to completing a side project recently and then everything began falling apart- relationships and living breathing people started dying around me. I would do anything to make even my worst enemy’s dreams come true. Now’s my chance to separate myself from this absurd samsara- starting on Halloween, I will be isolated from everyone and everything but myself in silent meditation, as part of a ten day course in vipassana meditation. I hope this will help sever me from my cravings and allow me to achieve piece of mind for the sake of grasping that sacred madness that is the most divine creativity.

Off Kilter Revelation

Most of my days seem to consist of intermittent absurdities, blips of content that suggest incoherence- chaos without restraint or direction. That’s really fine but, lately, I just can’t shake this feeling that something needs to be done and I have to figure out what it is. Everyday that I am idle- everyone that I don’t work towards understanding this Universe that I don’t make some kind of progress towards the sustaining and enhancing the facets to the human creature that might have an intrinsic value- I fail.

I have striven for objectivity but I am human, all too human- we are so self-concerned, but it’s time to shed our skin and recognize a few facts- we’re running out of time and we’re “resting” at the edge of a black hole. Why wouldn’t I feel compelled to further research into ways to enhance and prolong the human lifespan, colonize space, and ensure we have learned our lessons from our history? There is still time. There must be time. But that won’t always be the case. I have to figure out a way to utilize human resilience and human innovation to help encourage the healing and the enlightenment of all people, not for the sake of pride but out of simple empathy for those that suffer. Even my intellect is overwhelmed by the realization of how much could be done in effort to shelter humankind from unnecessary disease and painful death that now currently consumes us. If someday possible, I see no logical reason not to ensure this for all living creatures. The Universe is so vast and full of content, that our creativity could be kept busy in untangling the riddles of matter and of space/time and of the nature of causality, so that we will not need to waste our energy on wars, violence, drama, and these jobs that we slave away just to keep a roof over our heads and food on our tables- there has to be solutions to ancient problems yet discovered; perhaps discovered and long forgotten- to be reclaimed once again. 

I had a dream last night where I witnessed explosive, fiery light that curved and bent and expanded across the sky- something I’ve never even seen in my life- like no image or movie I recognize (though some aspect of it may have looked like coronal mass ejections, but it’s hazy and hard to describe). Then came what had to be a nuclear explosion. It was so large and powerful, despite being hundreds or thousands of miles from where I was situated. Everything shook and everyone panicked. It felt so real and so terrifying. I’m frightened that it might come true and I hope to God it never will. I’m so freaked out by it still that part of me doesn’t even want to have to go back to sleep, in case something similar emerges. Normally, I would say it’s one of the greatest things that’s ever happened to me, like anything extraordinary. But this was just something on a whole different scale of absolute terror and tragedy. Not for me folks. I couldn’t think of anywhere to share this in written form, so here you go. I have no idea who even follows this, so interpret it as you will. Good night…

I just found this poem about Paris Hilton I wrote a long time ago hahahaPetite Paris Hilton, perched on her throne,Purging her waistline away;After crashing her Ferrari SpyderNicole Ritchie appeared beside herAnd said “let’s shop our worries away”

I just found this poem about Paris Hilton I wrote a long time ago hahaha

Petite Paris Hilton, perched on her throne,
Purging her waistline away;
After crashing her Ferrari Spyder
Nicole Ritchie appeared beside her
And said “let’s shop our worries away”

I bought this poster from Grant Searcey the other day at an art festival! :D

I bought this poster from Grant Searcey the other day at an art festival! :D